How to Say “No” without Burning Bridges

In business and especially in any IT related business it’s all too easy to become a free consultant, people will come to you with all of their problems and ask you for solutions. I’ve been there myself and sat there with a prospect and laid out a perfect solution to their problem and then walked away with nothing, I’ve basically been used as a free consultant. This happens to people because “No” is a very powerful word and it can be difficult to tell people “No”, especially if you are worried about closing sales and burning bridges. Most of us fall into the category of people pleasers. The truth is, saying no rarely hurts, rarely burns bridges and can actually help if you know how to do it.

Evaluate the Circumstances

We were given two ears and one mouth for a reason so that we can listen, so listen carefully to the other person and let them finish speaking before blurting out “no”. Try not to interrupt the person speaking with a no even if you are thinking it. By listening carefully to the other person, you’ll have plenty of time to evaluate the circumstances, including your own feelings. Make sure you play special attention if someone is pulling your emotional strings. This is always a good time to step back and instead of saying no, tell the person you need to give it some thought.

Avoid Detailed Excuses

In sales 101 you are taught to ask for an order and to shut up as the first one that speaks generally loses. This also applies when saying no, there is no need to give a very detailed excuse about why you cannot do something, so restraint yourself and don’t because you might just end up talking yourself into it. There is absolutely no reason to be upset or worried if you need to say no. A simple “This is not the right time for me, but please ask me again in the future” (assuming you want to be asked again) will suffice.

Never Lie

Another reason not to go into too much detail about your “no” answer is that people often tell lies to try and soften a no. If you lie, chances are you’ll end up caught in the lie and of course, that’s the best way to burn bridges and end up with someone that doesn’t trust you anymore. “No I can’t do that project because I have too many projects right now” won’t look so great when you then announce the next day onsocial media that you are having a sale, and want more projects. It’s best to just be upfront and honest and tell the person no politely… another good way is to simply say “I don’t think this is just right for me and I’m sure someone else could help you better”.

Stick to Your Guns

Some people have a hard time taking no for an answer. They know it’s hard for you to say no and they will play on that, especially if they know you’re a people pleaser. If you’ve taken the time to think about your answer before giving it and did not just blurt out no, then there is no reason to change your mind. Just stick to the no and explain the initial reasons once more, and state that this is unlikely to change so please not to ask you again.

Redirect and Recommend

A really great way to say no is to deflect the problem to someone else. If you can redirect the questioner to someone else and recommend a person who might be able to say yes, so much the better. Then you become a valuable resource to the person/business rather than someone who has said no. You said no, but you gave them a lead on someone who may be able to do it even better.

Finally, try not to make “no” your first answer. It’s okay to say that you need to think about something and to ask questions before giving an answer one way or another. It’s also okay to say no to something after having given it considerable thought. No is not a bad thing to say, if you can learn to say it respectfully and with thoughtful consideration of the other parties involved.

▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄

Top 5 Lessons They Don’t Teach in School

Every spring our recruiters hit college campuses across the country looking for the most talented individuals to join the Fannie Mae summer intern program. I had the pleasure of meeting this year’s class of interns. Challenging them to think of internships as extended job interviews, I shared with them some of the important lessons I’ve learned throughout my career. Here are my top five.

1. Be enthusiastic

If, as Woody Allen said, “Eighty percent of success is showing up,” then being enthusiastic is a big part of the other 20 percent. Work is hard, and everyone wants to be surrounded by colleagues who care about what they are doing and excited about the opportunity to contribute.

2. Focus on both the “what” and the “how”

Getting positive results matters: we all know that if we don’t get things done, we should not be rewarded. But, how we get results matters just as much – with integrity, respect, and collaboration. Many temporary high achievers ultimately fail if they don’t pay attention to getting results in the right ways.

3. Embrace change

In the same way that governments, corporations, and sports teams know the importance of adapting quickly to changing conditions, individuals need to be flexible as well. The world is constantly changing, and our work environments are no different. You cannot stop change, and it is a fool’s errand to try. Instead, embrace change and become accustomed to its inevitability.

4. Regardless of level, you don’t always have to be the smartest person in the room

It’s important to have a well-informed point of view – especially as a leader – but that doesn’t mean you stop listening. Take time to listen, observe, and learn. How can you leverage others’ experiences and expertise to reach the best solutions? At the same time, come prepared and ask good questions. You’ll not only get noticed, you’ll establish yourself as someone with a thoughtful point of view.

5. Relationships are key

It is important to cultivate a strong professional network. Building and maintaining a network of people you trust – and who trust you – will help you thrive in your career.

The One Reason For Quitting I'll Never Be Mad About

We've hired just over 60 people in my company's history. Today, we're at 50 and still hiring. But as the math suggests, at least 10 of my employees have left or been asked to leave.

The first loss was the most difficult. We let our very first employee go due to poor performance. Each subsequent firing hurt my soul a little less, as I learned to couch things in my mind in terms of what would help the rest of the team when I was confronted with the shocked look on the face of anyone who's just been told he's no longer got a job. But it still sucked.

Then, when we were perhaps a dozen people, a brilliant programmer of ours sat us (the founders) down one morning and said he was quitting. Initially, I was stunned. You can't fireus! Losing him would put us in a bind, as we had product to build and competitors to stay ahead of.

Then he told us his reason: "I've been dreaming of starting my own company, and a friend and I have finally decided to do it." That changed everything. Not only could I no longer bring myself to try to persuade him to stay, but I also no longer wanted him to stay. How could we encourage someone to not do the very thing that we did ourselves that had brought us so much fulfillment?

After we said our goodbyes, and he started his startup, I realized that in a way this was exactly the kind of employee we wanted: entrepreneurial, hungry. It seemed to be part of our DNA, because nearly every one of the other employees who have quit on us since did so to build something: a school, a startup, a team. It occurred to me that if we wanted to cultivate a company that rewarded the kind of thinking that leads to breakthroughs, we'd have to understand that some of our employees would be driven enough to eventually want to do their own thing. And that had to be all right with us.

Now, I'm not saying that I want my employees to start companies and quit. What I am saying is that I'm not distressed when I learn that an employee has a side project. Nor will I be mad if after a couple of years of working with us (and hopefully learning a lot!) she says, "I'm turning my side project into a company." In fact, I think it's inevitable.

If the reason you're quitting has something to do with the company or environment we've built, then I want to talk about it, make things right. We hire carefully and hate to lose great people. But if the reason you're quitting has something to do with a dream you want to build, then there's no discussion necessary. Other than, perhaps, "How can we help?"

-------------

Finding Happiness At Work, All By Yourself

I love to ride my bike. There’s just something about being out on the road, all alone, with a simple piece of machinery, cranking out miles just to go nowhere/anywhere. Whether it is in the early morning, when you can smell the dew evaporating off the grass, or midday when the sun is beating on your face and the exhaust of lunch traffic lingers in your breath, or late in the evening when the crickets begin chirping and the wind is blowing you a little off your line. I love being on my bike.

I love it so much, that in 2011 I decided to learn more about riding my bike better, and I even entered a race. I really felt like my training was going well, and I wanted to see how I might stack up against others in a little friendly competition. After all, I had just come back from deployment in Afghanistan, so I was lean and fit. I had trained nearly every day for a year. I felt light, and my legs were strong. Surely, I could give experienced cyclists a run for their money. So I entered a race in upstate NY called the “Check Your Legs Road Race.” Heck, I knew I was going to win this thing. I was grinning the whole time just thinking about it.

I was the first person to arrive at the site of the race. I couldn’t wait to get started. It had rained all night, so the pavement was wet and the sky was gloomy. It was a little cold, but I didn’t care. I had people to beat on the road. I unloaded my bike, and did a few warm-up exercises. When race time came, about a dozen or so men, give or take, lined up at the starting line. It was going to be 26 miles of me kicking their tails.

Except, I didn’t. After the first few miles, I dropped to the back of the pack. Shortly after that, I dropped off the pack altogether. Then all the women, who started 5 minutes after us, began to pass me. Some of the men and women were not nearly in as good of shape as I was. Why was I struggling? What was going on? I was supposed to win this thing. I KNOW I trained much longer and much harder than many of the other racers. My happiness and eagerness from early in the day began to turn to anger and frustration.

Sometimes at work, it’s easy to look at our peers and colleagues, and try to measure ourselves against their successes and accomplishments, or measure them against ours. This is especially true when someone that we feel has been promoted without merit, or been given some award that we feel was more deserved by someone else.

Is this why we go to work? Certainly, there must be more to life than promotions, awards, recognition, and status. Why do we waste our time worrying about how well others have done compared to us, even if we feel we have done more than them or deserved it more?

In times like this, we must remember why we decided to go into the field of work that we do. Do we love what we do? If so, why? What things do we love most about our work? Can we do more of that every day? Hopefully, you are in a job that you love to do, and not simply in a career for the purpose of gaining a paycheck to pay the bills. If you aren’t, I recommend changing careers as quickly as possible, no matter what your circumstance, but that’s another article.

Whenever I have staked my happiness to the successes or failures of other people, I have found that I am always disappointed. What’s worse is that I gave away freely my own determination to control my mood and happiness. At some point, I decided it was time to take pride in my own accomplishments, and to correct my own setbacks. I would be happy doing the things I did every day at work, and not worry if somebody was outpacing me. As long as I gave my full effort, and produced something I was happy with, that was going to be good enough for me to find satisfaction at work.

Maybe my bosses would see fit to promote someone else, or give another person an award. As long as my performance review fairly reflected what I had accomplished, I decided not to worry about any of the things I couldn’t control. I would be in charge of my happiness from that day forward.

I finished dead last in that bike race. It wasn’t even close. My legs were cramped and I felt terrible. I got off my bike, put everything in the car, tucked my tail between my legs, and drove home quite depressed. I told my best friend about everything that happened.

“Why did you enter the race?” he asked me.

I answered, “Because I love to ride my bike.”

“Did you have fun at the race? Do you still like to ride your bike?” he asked.

“Yes. And of course I do.” I replied.

“Well, you’ve got that going for you then.” he said.

Indeed. I do have that going for me. And, I continue to enter bike races to this day. I (almost) never come in last anymore.

A Simple Way To Read People A Little Better

They say there are two types of people in the world: those who think there are two types of people, and those who don't.

It's an old joke. But according to sales guru Dr. Tony Alessandra, dividing people up along two specific dimensions can be quite useful for something we could all get a little better at: reading people. Just as understanding where we fall on the Skepticism:Optimism scale can help us build our innovation muscles, properly assessing people's communication style can help us figure out how to optimally interact in different situations, whether the context is business or the grocery checkout line.

Alessandra's two human dimensions are Openness and Directness. "Openness is the readiness and willingness with which a person outwardly shows emotions or feelings and develops interpersonal relationships," Alessandra explains. His definition of directness is a little more nuanced than the dictionary's "trueness of course." In reading people, Alessandra explains, directness is about "the amount of control and forcefulness that a person attempts to exercise over situations or other people."

Like any business lesson, it seems, you can squeeze this one into a two-by-two matrix:

On each end of the Openness spectrum you get Open and Guarded.

Open people tend to:

• Be described as “warm, responsive, informal, personable”
• Easily form relationships
• Be talkative
• Share personal feelings and stories
• Give nonverbal feedback in conversation

Guarded people tend to:

• Be described as “formal, proper, disciplined”
• Be more cautious about the relationships they form
• Be more likely to follow “letter of the law”
• Hide their personal feelings from those they’re not very close to
• Give less nonverbal feedback in conversation

The directness spectrum, of course, is simply Direct to Indirect.

Direct people tend to:

• Take initiative
• Create powerful (good or bad) first impressions
• Be swift to do things, make decisions
• Express strong opinions
• Speak emphatically

Indirect people tend to:

• Take their time on things, thinking or acting
• Avoid taking risks
• Ask questions and listen more than talk
• Make tentative statements
• Express opinions carefully

Everyone sits somewhere along the spectrum of both of these dimensions, Alessandra says, and paying attention to the combination of the two dimensions can help you read people better. He describes the four resulting categories as the following:

As the names imply, the best way to interact with, to win over, or to otherwise optimally connect with someone is to understand, if not appeal to, their corner of the matrix. E.g. Socializers tend to respond well to directness and openness: enthusiasm, praise, big ideas and emotions, etc. The nice thing about Alessandra's two dimensions it they are easy to spot.

We've been attempting to categorize and read people in some way like this since 400 BC, when Hippocrates defined humans as Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholic, and Phlegmatic. (I'm a Relater, but if you feel like calling me "Phlegm," I suppose I can't be offended.) Though he originally used these as medical diagnoses (which later were scientifically disproven), modern personality researchers often use them to refer to variations of the above four classes.

Whether nurture or nature is responsible for the quadrant in which we fall, our place is not permanent. A Thinker can put on the right show of enthusiasm to appeal to a Socializer if the moment calls for it. But it's not necessary to become chameleons just because we know a little bit about reading people. Simply understanding what kind of a person someone else is—and that it’s okay to be in a different quadrant—helps us be less judgmental and have more empathy in conflict.

And who couldn’t use a little more of that?

God Sent Me For You - Giving Rs 1000 Notes to Needy

3 Reasons Why Apple's iWatch Will Be A Gorgeous Flop

The race to own the wrist is in full swing ‒ and Apple hasn't even arrived. With less than two weeks to go (likely September 9th), here are three reasons why I think the iWatch will be a flop. The watch will be gorgeous, to be sure, but it won't come close to rivaling the adoption rate of other Apple tech.

The first hurdle is that it's really an evolutionary product category. Unlike the iPod, or iPhone or iPad, Apple isn't really inventing a new device ‒ it's working on a first release of a product that already has some big names staking out their claim in this category. Samsung (now on its 6th version), Motorola, LG and Withings to name a few.

Also, unlike the iPod, the iPhone and the iPad, we've owned and worn "wrist wearables" for generations. The iPod, the iPhone and the iPad were largely created from whole cloth - as standalone separate devices.

I'm not a watch connoisseur, but recent designs and aesthetics have come a long way from the clunky LCD blocks that comprised "first generation" wearable's for the wrist. Here's what a sampling of that competition looks like today ‒ which is to say not too shabby in their own right.

The second reason is the sheer amount of design hype. We've been teased and taunted for well over a year ‒ and trying to just guess what it might look like has been the personal hobby of some very sharp designers. The risk here is that the final iWatch design won't be that revolutionary from either the competition (above) ‒ or the fantasy design projects we've all seen before (below). So far, many of these have been elegant and impressive attempts to answer the fundamental question ‒ what could an iWatch look like?

With all of these as design placeholders, the iWatch reveal (always a big stage moment) just won't have the same wow factor as the iPod, the iPhone or the iPad. Once it is revealed ‒ we'll move at lightning connector speed into the third big hurdle ‒ value.

Price alone is perhaps the lowest threshold for diehard Apple fans because they're all very comfortable with expensive products that look elegant and make the right tech "statement." While the retail price is still unknown, it's been widely speculated to be about $300. I think it could easily be more because most of Apple's products tend to push pricing boundaries simply because they can.

Value, however, is a larger component than price ‒ and this is where the iWatch is basically an expensive addition or companion device to the iPhone itself. That's not unique to Apple because every version of wearable watch so far (including those from Samsung, Withings, LG and Motorola) lean heavily on the core component ‒ the one device you may return home to retrieve ‒ the smartphone itself. That means that whatever the final price of the iWatch ‒ $300, $400 ‒ or more, it's still just an expensive accessory. It will enhance the functionality of the iPhone ‒ and will collaborate seamlessly with it, but it won't replace it ‒ and that's a big challenge for all the wrist wearable manufacturers ‒ including Apple.

Even 'The Woz' (Apple Co-Founder Steve Wozniak) thinks the whole wearable category is a big risk for everyone ‒ including Apple.

"I feel that wearables are a hard sell. They are go-betweens for your smartphone but are an extra piece and need special advantages that the smartphone doesn't have, in my opinion. If they are just a Bluetooth go-between then it could wind up in the category of Bluetooth headsets: Fun to wear and show off for a day." Apple Co‒FounderSteve Wozniak ‒ C|Net article

In terms of hype, here's how Morgan Stanley is forecasting the adoption rate relative to other laudable Apple successes.

Don't get me wrong, the launch will be an exciting event - and the iWatch will be a typically impressive design achievement, but it won't be the breakthrough we've all come to expect from one of the worlds biggest tech giants. Given the high expectations, the wildly bullish forecasts by analysts and the competition already on the global stage, I think we'll look back this time next year and say that this first version of the iWatch was a flop.

Caffeine: The Silent Killer of Success

This week's tip for improving your performance is the most simple and straightforward method I’ve provided thus far. For many people, this tip has the potential to have a bigger impact than any other single action. The catch? You have to cut down on caffeine, and as any caffeine drinker can attest, this is easier said than done.

For those who aren't aware, the ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure has a direct link to your performance. TalentSmart has conducted research with more than a million people, and we’ve found that 90% of top performers are high in emotional intelligence. These individuals are skilled at managing their emotions (even in times of high stress) in order to remain calm and in control.

The Good: Isn’t Really Good

Most people start drinking caffeine because it makes them feel more alert and improves their mood. Many studies suggest that caffeine actually improves cognitive task performance (memory, attention span, etc.) in the short-term. Unfortunately, these studies fail to consider the participants’ caffeine habits. New research from Johns Hopkins Medical School shows that performance increases due to caffeine intake are the result of caffeine drinkers experiencing a short-term reversal of caffeine withdrawal. By controlling for caffeine use in study participants, John Hopkins researchers found that caffeine-related performance improvement is nonexistent without caffeine withdrawal. In essence, coming off caffeine reduces your cognitive performance and has a negative impact on your mood. The only way to get back to normal is to drink caffeine, and when you do drink it, you feel like it’s taking you to new heights. In reality, the caffeine is just taking your performance back to normal for a short period.

The Bad: Adrenaline

Drinking caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline. Adrenaline is the source of the “fight or flight” response, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. The fight-or-flight mechanism sidesteps rational thinking in favor of a faster response. This is great when a bear is chasing you, but not so great when you’re responding to a curt email. When caffeine puts your brain and body into this hyper-aroused state, your emotions overrun your behavior.

Irritability and anxiety are the most commonly seen emotional effects of caffeine, but caffeine enables all of your emotions to take charge.

The negative effects of a caffeine-generated adrenaline surge are not just behavioral. Researchers at Carnegie Mellon University found that large doses of caffeine raise blood pressure, stimulate the heart, and produce rapid shallow breathing, which readers of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 know deprives the brain of the oxygen needed to keep your thinking calm and rational.

The Ugly: Sleep

When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, shuffling through the day’s memories and storing or discarding them (which causes dreams), so that you wake up alert and clear-headed. Your self-control, focus, memory, and information processing speed are all reduced when you don’t get enough—or the right kind—of sleep. Your brain is very fickle when it comes to sleep. For you to wake up feeling rested, your brain needs to move through an elaborate series of cycles. You can help this process along and improve the quality of your sleep by reducing your caffeine intake.

Here’s why you’ll want to: caffeine has a six-hour half-life, which means it takes a full twenty-four hours to work its way out of your system. Have a cup of joe at eight a.m., and you’ll still have 25% of the caffeine in your body at eight p.m. Anything you drink after noon will still be at 50% strength at bedtime. Any caffeine in your bloodstream—with the negative effects increasing with the dose—makes it harder to fall asleep.

When you do finally fall asleep, the worst is yet to come. Caffeine disrupts the quality of your sleep by reducing rapid eye movement (REM) sleep, the deep sleep when your body recuperates and processes emotions. When caffeine disrupts your sleep, you wake up the next day with an emotional handicap. You’re naturally going to be inclined to grab a cup of coffee or an energy drink to try to make yourself feel better. The caffeine produces surges of adrenaline, which further your emotional handicap. Caffeine and lack of sleep leave you feeling tired in the afternoon, so you drink more caffeine, which leaves even more of it in your bloodstream at bedtime. Caffeine very quickly creates a vicious cycle.

Withdrawal

Like any stimulant, caffeine is physiologically and psychologically addictive. If you do choose to lower your caffeine intake, you should do so slowly under the guidance of a qualified medical professional. The researchers at Johns Hopkins found that caffeine withdrawal causes headache, fatigue, sleepiness, and difficulty concentrating. Some people report feeling flu-like symptoms, depression, and anxiety after reducing intake by as little as one cup a day. Slowly tapering your caffeine dosage each day can greatly reduce these withdrawal symptoms.