The best sales advice I ever got was from a surfer dude.

I have always loved the outdoors. Hiking, camping, rafting, the ocean sports, all of it, I’m in. I see a Bass Pro Shop or REI and can’t help stopping to check things out. One day I did just that and ended up relearning a crucial lesson on selling and the art of persuasion in general.

My local REI store is in Manhattan Beach, California and on this particular day I did my usual and stopped in to “look around.” The problem with me and “looking around,” is that I’m like a kid in a candy store and always end up buying something. So there I am, looking at an entire wall of backpacks and thinking about my last experience hiking, when I hear a voice behind me ask “Looking at backpacks?” I gave a slightly snide answer of “Why yes, I am.” Mr. Eager Beaver sales associate then said “Well, let me show you what we got,” he then pointed out a beautiful external frame pack and began to explain its features; Several cubic feet of storage, incredibly light exoskeleton, waterproof compartment, lumbar pad, self-tightening shoulder straps, and on and on. As my eyes glazed over I realized I did not want to listen to this guy anymore and cut him short with a “let me look around a bit,” then left. No purchase, no sale.

A few days later I stop into a much smaller specialty-hiking store in Redondo Beach. I sat gazing at the wall of 6 or 7 models of packs when I heard a voice from behind, “Looking at backpacks huh?” Truth is, I smelled him coming before he got there. Ocean, patchouli, a clear hint of marijuana; his scent announced him before he got there. I was about to send Mr. Obvious on his way when he said “dude, I love to hike, you too?” The voice called me dude. I was 40 years old at the time so it gave me a chuckle. So I turn around to see a youngish, quintessential California surfer guy. “Where do you go?” he asked. “Well,” I told him, “my last trip was to Yosemite.” I told him how beautiful I thought it was and about the bears I saw, and the story about the night I left my beef jerky in my backpack. “Dude, I love Yosemite, they have some gnarly hikes.” So he asked me what I liked, where I went, how my equipment fared and, finally, why I was in his store. “My backpack shifted all over the place when we were bouldering. I could never get comfortable when I was using my hands and feet to climb” I explained. “Dude, I get it. You have an external frame right?” he asked. “Yep,” I said. Then he said “check this out” and took out a backpack that was shaped like a taco and didn’t appear to have a frame. “This is the s**t, fits like a glove and moves with you when you boulder” he explained. He was right and before you knew it I had dropped a cool $250 on a new pack.

As I was checking out I said to the surfer dude “you’re good at this.” “Good at what?” he asked. “Selling!” I said. “I have been selling for years and you are really good.” He looked confused, “I don’t sell” he said, “I just took my fathers advice and find out what people want. What they love about hiking or the outdoors, what their interests are, then I show’em things that work for what they want.”

Boom, there it is. I realized, in that moment, that I had forgotten one of the oldest and most important tenets of sales, persuasion and even of leadership. How could I, a man who owned two businesses that relied on client sales have forgotten something so elemental? It freaked me out honestly. What we think, feel or say about our idea, product, or anything is largely irrelevant. We do not convince people to buy an idea or thing, but rather we simply uncover and relate to their needs only. What I had forgotten is that, whether you’re selling backpacks, advice or fractional ownership of a jet, people buy emotionally, then use facts and data to back up the decision to buy. I never forgot it again.

Are You Good Enough For Google?

Exactly one month ago I gave up the golden handcuffs keeping me at Google. I left to build full-time, and I haven't looked back. Except when people have asked, and it happens almost every day. To be exact, 118 people have questioned why I quit and just as many have sought my guidance on getting in. If you want a job at Google or other top companies, here's my take.

It's a wonderful life if you can make the cut.

Volleyball, olympic size pools and personal trainers. Rock walls between floors, slides instead of steps and bowling alleys to pass the time. Breakfast, lunch and dinner on demand and masseuses in multitude. Really, it’s Disneyland for adults.

For four and a half years, I worked at Google. First, partnering with websites on AdSense and then building the North American sales strategy for Google’s Ad Exchange. After moving to New York City, I led my team’s east coast recruiting efforts for almost a year.

I’ve reviewed at least 500 resumes, screened more than 100 candidates and hired 12 superstars. In most instances, the candidates didn’t have a fighting chance.

Truth be told, neither did I. You and I have a better shot at being struck by lightning (576K:1) or winning an Olympic medal (660K:1) than getting into Google. What no one will tell you is this:

The odds will never be in your favor

Let’s do some simple math. Google receives more than two million applications per year for roughly 5,000 jobs. Off the bat, your chances are .0025%. And that’s assuming all things are equal, but they rarely are. Politics, people and yes, processes get in the way. Even for a company filled with the smartest people in the world, Google relies on technology to search applicants, surface the best candidates and slot them in the right role.

Learn how to beat the system.

Most of us fill out a form and click submit, completely unaware of how deep the black hole runs. Applying for a job online is akin to playing the lottery. It might work, but chances are you’re just wasting time.

Here’s how you stack the deck…

Forget going to Google. Make Google come to you. It’s a little known fact, but a recruiter’s role isn’t to find talent. Real recruiters only screen qualified candidates.

Let me explain.

If you have 2 million applications then choosing the right one is like finding a needle in a haystack. The task is nearly impossible. Walmart reportedly receives more than 5 million applications a year and Microsoft processes 50,000 resumes a week. Competition at the top is crazy, but don’t think small, lesser known companies are any easier. Although it varies with the company and the job, the Electronic Recruiting Exchange (ERE) reports that on average 250 resumes are received for each corporate job opening.

Even if you had 200 or say 150 resumes, would you review each one? Would you give the 149th candidate the same time and attention as the first? I’m sure most recruiters mean well but, by themselves, they’re not set-up for success. So they leave the heavy lifting to something else.

A Helping Hand

The first person to review your resume isn’t a person at all. It’s likely a software program known as an Applicant Tracking System (ATS). To recruiters, ATS is the greatest thing since sliced bread: it saves them time and the company money.You submit your application, ATS scans your credentials and gives you a score. You’re then ranked against other candidates and a decision is made based on “data.” More about this later.

All good right? WRONG.

For you and me, ATS is a weapon of mass rejection. Job search services provider Preptel reports that 75 percent of candidates' are instantly unqualified as soon as they submit their resumes. In a matter of milliseconds, a computer makes up its mind and most likely passes on your potential. Like I said, we never had a fighting chance.

Big Data

You’ve probably heard of web analytics, but what about people analytics? Today, human capital is measured by resume robots and social media scores. This is not to say we’ve taken the ‘human’ out of human resources, but the nature of recruitment has changed.

Everything is tracked, including social media activity and the degree to which you’re already ‘connected’ to the company. Did you respond to an email? Were you late for an interview? Algorithms already predict World Series championships (Go Giants!) and fluctuations in the stock market. Why not forecast the success of one candidate over another?

Success is relative so it can be measured by almost anything, including:

• Internet Presence - Articles, blogs and social media mentions, particularly on LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter and Google+
• Past Performance - Employment background, work history, native talent and earned credentials from the applications and resumes you submit
• Personality Tests - Skill sets and behaviors can be modeled from your answers to scenario based surveys and tests

Once the data is collected, ATS goes to work. Like Google’s super secret search algorithm, no one knows how data sets are organized and analyzed, but you can bet it differs by employer and role.

Beat the Bot

The gatekeeper blocking your application goes by the name ATS. To beat the bot, you must optimize the keywords in your resume. Google popularized the analysis of keywords to understand the content of web pages. That concept is then placed into context, relative to the competition. The most relevant results appear on top. To this day, the quantity and quality of keywords is still a major factor in Google’s PageRank. Your resume must work the same way.

Every industry has its jargon, slang and colloquialisms. What matters most to ATS is the use, uniqueness and relevance of keywords. To stand out in the system, consider the following tips:

• Selection - Include keywords, phrases and skills repeated in the job description. You can also review the company’s career website, the professional profiles of current employees and similar jobs. The keywords you discover are likely the same exact keywords a recruiter has programmed ATS to pick-up.
• Density - Focus on no more than three keywords, and keep the frequency between 2% to 4% of all words. We call this keyword density. If you find yourself repeating the same keyword over-and-over again, you can always use synonyms.
• Formatting - ATS might not understand fancier fonts so stick to Arial or Times New Roman. Also, avoid white text and shades of grey. Black is perfect. And, unless otherwise instructed, submit a Word doc instead of a PDF. In all ways possible, you want ATS to read what you wrote. Otherwise, what’s the point?

When everything is said and done, what recruiters receive is a list of qualified candidates. From here, they go to work screening potential hires. I told you recruiters don’t focus on finding talent! They focus on vetting the cream of the crop, and they look to the world’s largest professional network for further help.

The One Stop Shop

This may come as a shock, but LinkedIn is the largest ATS around. Think about it. You and I create online resumes in the form of a profile, they’re searchable and then we connect. Mostly with other people looking for a job, but then there’s this secret matrix reserved for recruiters interested in reaching top talent.

Remember when I told you to make Google come to you? Well, LinkedIn is your number one tool for turning that dream into reality.

94 percent of recruiters use LinkedIn to vet candidates. They’re checking your professional background and gauging your level of online activity. More than anything else, they’re direct sourcing. They’re fishing for talent, and when they catch wind of a candidate it’s time for the approach.

Tell me you’ve received a similar message in the past:

Hi Michael, How are you? I hope you don't mind me reaching out to you directly, but your profile looks great! We are searching for a "rock-star" performer for our team and your background is stellar. Do you have time to chat on the phone tomorrow or this week? Your background is stellar. Thanks!

As spammy and generic as it sounds, companies are paying LinkedIn up to $8,000 per user per year for the right to message you. Recruiters are combing through your work experiences, skills, education and other credentials. Sound familiar?

Just like ATS, LinkedIn looks at the keywords in the headline, job titles and summary sections of your profile. Then, you’re given a score and that score determines your rank. If you want to appear on a recruiter's radar you need to think about keyword relevance, the quality of your connections and whether LinkedIn is worth paying for.

Premium Positioning

LinkedIn first offered premium accounts to sales professionals and then recruiters. As the professional network has evolved they were gracious enough to offer similar services to you and me. Now job seekers near and far must ask themselves one question: should I pay for LinkedIn?

Yes!

LinkedIn promises to bump your profile to the top of search results. Just like Google’s sponsored ads, your profile will appear at the top as a ‘Featured Applicant.’ If LinkedIn search behavior follow’s Google, 75% of recruiters will never visit the second page of search results. So it goes without saying that it’s even more important to be on top.

No!

It’s flattering to be contacted, but why wait for an opportunity? Go get it! If you believe in taking the proactive approach to LinkedIn, you can ask for introductions from mutual parties, join groups to contact any member and network your way to new connections. Plus, you’re saving $48/month. Sometimes, the “scrappy” approach inspires a level of creativity that money can’t buy.

Like most things, there is no right or wrong answer. Personally, I pay for LinkedIn but it’s not for everyone. Try the free way first and, if you find you want to be featured in front of recruiters, give premium a try.

From HR to Sales

For LinkedIn, premium accounts are apart of their business and a key component of how they make money. For recruiters, you are their business and they pitch you like any other product or service. In that sense, think of recruiters as saleswomen and what they’re selling is you.

Like more traditional sales, recruiters have quotas. Their performance is judged by the number of hires they get through the door. They’re looking for the best candidates to pitch to hiring managers. Ultimately, it’s the team's decision who they hire. Your recruiter is only making an introduction. It’s up to you to close the deal.

In the case of Google, hiring decisions are made by a hiring committee that includes the CEO. After 4 to 9 interviews, on average, feedback is submitted and a candidate is further vetted. Those that pass face a final review by the hiring committee, consisting of senior managers and directors. They review every candidate that’s hired into Google, taking into account interview feedback, work history and the infamous hiring packet.

The hiring packet is your portfolio: it’s all the reasons why you deserve the job. It’s your final pitch.

The Brand called YOU

You are a brand, and like any business, it’s your job to sell yourself accordingly. From the moment you make your first contact to the final round interview, promote yourself. If Google is the end, then you are the beginning. You, Incorporated.

What do you have to offer a company? How will your colleagues benefit from having you around? Your brand is more than the impression you leave behind. It’s the fruit of your labor, and nothing speaks louder than your work. Henry Ford said it best, “You can’t build a reputation on what you’re going to do.”

They key to building your brand is doing work that creates value and strengthens credibility. To measure your meaning, consider the following:

• Market - Who is your audience? Who stands to benefit from your skill set?
• Message - What makes you unique? What is your dramatic difference?
• Medium - How do you share your story? In what ways are you standing out?
• Messenger - How does your online and offline persona match your brand?
• Money - How do you measure and capture your value?

Software engineer, graphic designer, or AdWords account manager, when it comes to Google, or any any top company, you’re an All-Star. What you’re selling is beyond your capacity to work well. It’s intellectual curiosity and a desire to overcome business challenges and solve problems.

Hiring managers are looking for solutions and it’s your job to come up with an answer. The first test is ATS and those that pass move to the front of the line. We’ve always thought of friends and former colleagues as sources of referrals, but recruiters refer candidates too. In fact, they’re the number one source of referrals to hiring managers. Get on their good side.

The way to get noticed by Google and other top companies is simple: be the best and sell yourself at each stage of the game. It takes competence and confidence, and no one can market your brand better than you can. Start today!

The Top 5 Things You Should Never Do At Work

I had an 18-year corporate career in publishing and marketing that was highly successful on the outside, but on the inside, it was not. I rose to the level of Vice President and managed multimillion-dollar budgets and global initiatives, but throughout my career, I faced a number of excruciating experiences of gender discrimination, sexual harassment, work-life balance failures, chronic illness and exhaustion, being sabotaged and betrayed by colleagues, and the continual nagging feeling that I was meant for different work.

And I made a great number of huge mistakes. I did some important things right too, but my missteps were legendary (at least in my own mind). When I look back on my 30 years of working, and the careers of the hundreds of folks I train, coach and teach, five blunders stand out from all the rest as the most negative, damaging, and irreversible in your career and professional life.

The 5 things you should never do at work are:

1. Speak, behave or quit out of rage or revenge

Most people spend more hours at work than anywhere else, so it’s normal and expected that we will experience the full gamut of emotions while engaged in our work. I’m all for bringing our whole selves to work as well, and being as authentic, honest, and transparent as humanly possible at our jobs. That said, I’ve watched the inevitable destruction of losing control of your emotions and acting out rashly and impulsively from rage or despair.

For example, in my early 20’s, I screamed an obscenity at the top of my lungs to my boss who I felt was harassing me, and I did it in front of the entire office. He had no choice but to fire me. Thankfully, I had another job offer in the wings so the damage was not too serious. While it felt fantastic (for one split second) to swear at him, what has stayed with me over time is the shock and shame of how out of control I felt during that time. I vowed never to lose it like that and act out of rage or fury again. If you act impulsively and rashly at work, you will likely lose much more than your self-respect.

2. Backstab your colleagues

I’m astounded at how many people today feel completely comfortable ridiculing, disparaging or undermining their colleagues, co-workers and even their friends. I used to be that kind of person – talking behind someone’s back if I felt they were behaving poorly, meanly, or less than professionally. I learned later (in my therapy training) that this is called triangulation – telling a third party about something that makes you anxious or upset instead of dealing with it head on with the individual in question. Why do we do that? Because we lack the courage and fortitude to address the problem directly, or we feel it just won’t work out if we do. It relieves our anxiety to share the problem, but it does nothing to resolve it.

Other folks may call this “gossip” (gossip, by the way, is another “must not do” in the workplace). But backstabbing your colleagues is a special brand of negative behavior because it aims to hurt. And when you desire to hurt others, it will be you who suffers. In one job, I backstabbed a colleague because it seemed that she received all the accolades, promotions and perks because of her beauty and her obsequiousness to our bosses. All of that might have been true, but trying to take her down behind her back didn’t work. That behavior never will, in the long run. You’ll only embarrass and humiliate yourself and it will come back around to bite you eventually.

3. Lie

We tell lies most often when we think that the truth will hurt us somehow, or when we want to avoid facing the consequences of our truth. The problem with lying is two-fold: 1) When you tell yourself you’re not capable of facing reality or dealing with the consequences, you make yourself right – you’ll grow less powerful, capable, bold, respectable, and trustworthy over time, and 2) the lies you tell must be perpetuated, which is exhausting and drains you from vital energy you need to reach your fullest potential.

If you have told lies at work – about your skills and talents, experience and background, about the status of work you’re overseeing, or about who you are and what you are capable of, I’d highly recommend taking a long, hard look at what you’re afraid of, and instead of keeping up the front, get in the cage with those fears and begin working through them.

4. Proclaim that you’re miserable

Just the other day, I was talking to a former client who had marched into her boss’s office that week and shared that she was miserable at work and volunteered for a severance package. I’ve done that myself – been so unhappy at work that I put my hand up for a package. I didn’t get it, and neither did my client. After sharing that news and not receiving the package, you’re stuck in a deeply unsettling situation of the employer knowing you’re a terrible fit for your role. There are a few specific instances where this might be the right move, but in general, sharing that you hate your job is not the way to go.

But what if it’s the truth? My father used to say that there are 10 different ways to say anything, and I think he’s right. Phrases like “miserable,” “unhappy,” “fed up,” “ready to leave,” and “need to go” are not helpful when you’re talking to your colleagues, bosses, or HR staff.

What is the better way? Talk about what you’re great at and love to do, what you’ve accomplished, and what you’re ready for. Share your work highlights and new directions you’re excited and committed to take your career, and discuss your plans and desires for growth and change. Open the door for new opportunities at your current employer that will expand our skills, your resume and your talents. Try to find ways at your current job (where you’re already getting paid) to grow, stretch and build yourself. Explore every option available to you for becoming what you want to without walking out in anger and disgust. Your employer might very well be able to sponsor and support your growth and change, but it won’t happen if you stomp in and say “I’m miserable and it’s your fault.”

5. Burn bridges

Literally the biggest lesson I’ve learned in business is that success is all about relationships. It’s truly about who you know, and how they feel and think about you (and how you make them feel). I’m not saying that your amazing talent and skill aren’t important. Of course they are. I am saying that we don’t thrive and succeed alone. We need other people. And these people are not just our former bosses – they are people who reported to you, teamed with you, shared coffee and drinks with you, took training sessions with you, got yelled at alongside of you, and weathered tough times with you.

Every single one of your relationships is vitally important to you and your future, so craft them with care. Avoid people you don’t trust or like, but don’t burn bridges. After 30 years in business I’ve seen that there are hundreds of people we interact with daily who eventually could become our strongest allies, advocates and fans, if we protect and nurture our relationships as the key, enriching asset they are.

Why It's Okay to Do Laundry When You Work at Home

When you tell people you work at home, it's usually one of two reactions: "Oh, I'd love to be able to work in my PJs. It'd be so much less distracting." Or: "I could never. I'd watch TV and do laundry all day." The past 8 years, on and off, my home office has been my primary one, my cell phone the tether to coworkers near and far, and the video conference my main meeting room.

There are a lot of cliches and stereotypes about this new world of work. My favorite is that no one's working and that productivity goes down with a workforce at home. From the trenches of my small corner of the world, here are some truths about laundry, PJs, repair men, barking dogs, and what people really think you're doing when you're cozied into your remote office.

Remote Work Isn't For Everyone

As big a fan as I am of working at home, it's not for everyone. I know the same people you do who obviously are going to park themselves in front of a reality show and just respond to email via phone to look busy. Or the folks who are prone to long lunches that never really deliver any solid outcomes. Likewise, solid performers at work aren't always going to convert to productive remote employees. Ask yourself: Do you have initiative and drive that's coming from a place of motivation and passion about what you do? I'm much more sold on the remote situation for folks who motivate themselves because they're engaged in what they do, not because they need a boss to prod them or a team to collaborate or compete with.

I usually suggest doing a trial of 2-3 days, if not a week, to see how this fits for you before you decide it's a perfect fit. Ask yourself the hard questions about how much work you're putting out compared to the same time period in the office. We all know when we've had an insanely productive day. Those have to be the norm when you're at home for it to work out.

You're Narrowing the Lens You're Seen Through

When you're in an office, folks get to see you in meetings, at the lunch table, out for coffee, giving that presentation, going for a beer after hours, stepping up in meetings, delivering the file on time, one on one. You're this dynamic, multi-faceted coworker. But when you're at home, folks experience a much narrower range of your amazingness. There's a limit to the diversity of that interaction, which means that you put yourself under a microscope.

So don't become a narrow version of yourself. Send out an impromptu IM conversation to connect just because. Ring a colleague who you'd like to connect with and have a "lunch date" from your respective patio tables. Talk about your outside of work enough to be yourself. And make a point to send emails to your team and reach out to solicit feedback and give your opinions. Just because you're out of sight doesn't mean you should be out of mind.

If You Work Less, You Also Have to Work More

Here's the laundry paradox, friends. I have no problem if you throw a load of jeans in before your 10 a.m. meeting and then move them to the dryer before lunch and fold them before you go pick up your son from daycare. That is if you have no problem taking the 6 a.m. call with the Paris office or coming home from dinner to check email one more time before bed and responding to any urgent requests. The trouble with laundry is when it's just laundry, and not a two-way street where sometimes you work in the middle of your personal life and sometimes you do personal things in the middle of your work life. Your business deserves all the time it's paying you for.

Balance is key. Take an hour off for the dentist or to oversee your stove repair, and put an extra hour in the next morning or that night, assuming your boss is cool with this arrangement also. Too often, I hear about this balance tipping in favor of a little more time for you and a little less time for your employer. This gives all of us a bad rep for being slackers. And to paraphrase advice my dad used during his 35 years running a small business: Slacking off on the job is stealing from the company.

Make an Actual Office at Home

I did a 3' x 3' desk in the corner of my small house's bedroom for 2 years, and it was an eyesore and an earful with fans revving or the occasional email beep if I forgot to hit Mute. It also made it easy to get up and dive straight into work rather than keeping a schedule that attended to other important things, like exercise or a breakfast, before I jumped into work for the day.

Whenever possible, set up dedicated space--not community or well-trafficked space, not a corner coffee shop table, but quiet, professional space where you can have the same meeting you'd have if you were in the office. I'm a stickler on this: We don't want to hear your animals or your kids or lawnmowers or low coffeehouse jazz whenever we talk to you. And it's not because we don't love your animals, your kids, your tidy lawn. It's because folks in the office go to the effort to set a professional environment for phone and video calls, and like it or not, you need to do the same. Clients and coworkers deserve it. And it's never fun to be the one person who creates all the distractions and spends the call apologizing for it rather than focusing on the actual work of the call.

If this sounds harsh, I'll add that this is better for you too--a room with a door on it lets you turn work on and off at appropriate times in your day, which helps you stay sane, rather than stopping in to check email every time you walk by the dining table.

Embrace What's Different

In the comfort of your own home, you've got the opportunity to work as distraction free as your calendar allows. No one stops by your desk to chat about that report that's due in a week. The gossip mill is one you can check out of unless you make an effort to keep those ties. You also don't happen to see Greg in the hallway and have the impromptu conversation that leads to an important process change between your teams. Or to have face time in front of the leaders you're pitching your next project too.

So set some new expectations and determine what your success looks like. Before, it might have been that you and the VP of Marketing got were synched because you were down the hall from each other and got to have side conversations about everything before it happened. Now it might be that you have the chance to do some Skunkworks projects with a few other remote people who can deliver back a new innovation because you're seeing things differently from the outside.

Every quarter or so, I find it helpful to stop and take stock of what's changed in your work life. Where are you politically in your organization? What new relationships have you built, and are there old ones you've let go of? How connected are you to your team? How are you thought of in your team? It's easy to get locked into a feedback void at home because you're not around other folks who depend on you. So make the effort to ask: How am I doing?

A year and a half ago, a conversation on that very topic led me to move closer to my work again, not because I wasn't effective remotely, but so I could be half in the office and half out. My key partner in building products and I discovered that we wanted more face time and closer collaboration, and it wasn't going to happen with me 3-4 hours away.

And in that move, I also discovered the last and perhaps most important part of working from home.

You Have to Do What You Love

Because no one is there to check that you're not on Facebook every day or that you're actually logging those hours. Sure, goofing off will catch up with you eventually. But you're miles ahead if you believe in what you go to your desk to do every day. The people you do the work with are often the most rewarding part of the journey, so take some time to give those relationships room to grow and breathe and flourish regardless of where you're located. Find new reasons to fall in love with your company all over again. Even (and especially) if you get to do the work within a hundred-foot commute.

9 Qualities Of Truly Confident People

First things first: Confidence is not bravado, or swagger, or an overt pretense of bravery. Confidence is not some bold or brash air of self-belief directed at others.

Confidence is quiet: It’s a natural expression of ability, expertise, and self-regard.

I’m fortunate to know a number of truly confident people. Many work with me at HubSpot, others are fellow founders of their own startups some of whom I've met through my angel investment activity. But the majority are people I’ve met through my career and who work in a variety of industries and professions.

It comes as no surprise they all share a number of qualities:

1. They take a stand not because they think they are always right… but because they are not afraid to be wrong.

Cocky and conceited people tend to take a position and then proclaim, bluster, and totally disregard differing opinions or points of view. They know they’re right – and they want (actually they need) you to know it too.

Their behavior isn’t a sign of confidence, though; it’s the hallmark of an intellectual bully.

Truly confident people don’t mind being proven wrong. They feel finding out what is right is a lot more important than being right. And when they’re wrong, they’re secure enough to back down graciously.

Truly confident people often admit they’re wrong or don’t have all the answers; intellectual bullies never do.

2. They listen ten times more than they speak.

Bragging is a mask for insecurity. Truly confident people are quiet and unassuming. They already know what they think; they want to know what you think.

So they ask open-ended questions that give other people the freedom to be thoughtful and introspective: They ask what you do, how you do it, what you like about it, what you learned from it… and what they should do if they find themselves in a similar situation.

Truly confident people realize they know a lot, but they wish they knew more… and they know the only way to learn more is to listen more.

3. They duck the spotlight so it shines on others.

Perhaps it’s true they did the bulk of the work. Perhaps they really did overcome the major obstacles. Perhaps it’s true they turned a collection of disparate individuals into an incredibly high performance team.

Truly confident people don’t care – at least they don’t show it. (Inside they’re proud, as well they should be.) Truly confident people don’t need the glory; they know what they’ve achieved.

They don’t need the validation of others, because true validation comes from within.

So they stand back and celebrate their accomplishments through others. They stand back and let others shine – a confidence boost that helps those people become truly confident, too.

4. They freely ask for help.

Many people feel asking for help is a sign of weakness; implicit in the request is a lack of knowledge, skill, or experience.

Confident people are secure enough to admit a weakness. So they often ask others for help, not only because they are secure enough to admit they need help but also because they know that when they seek help they pay the person they ask a huge compliment.

Saying, “Can you help me?” shows tremendous respect for that individual’s expertise and judgment. Otherwise you wouldn't ask.

5. They think, “Why not me?”

Many people feel they have to wait: To be promoted, to be hired, to be selected, to be chosen... like the old Hollywood cliché, to somehow be discovered.

Truly confident people know that access is almost universal. They can connect with almost anyone through social media. (Everyone you know knows someone you should know.) They know they can attract their own funding, create their own products, build their own relationships and networks, choose their own path – they can choose to follow whatever course they wish.

And very quietly, without calling attention to themselves, they go out and do it.

6. They don't put down other people.

Generally speaking, the people who like to gossip, who like to speak badly of others, do so because they hope by comparison to make themselves look better.

The only comparison a truly confident person makes is to the person she was yesterday – and to the person she hopes to someday become.

7. They aren’t afraid to look silly…

Running around in your underwear is certainly taking it to extremes… but when you’re truly confident, you don’t mind occasionally being in a situation where you aren't at your best.

(And oddly enough, people tend to respect you more when you do – not less.)

8. … And they own their mistakes.

Insecurity tends to breed artificiality; confidence breeds sincerity and honesty.

That’s why truly confident people admit their mistakes. They dine out on their screw-ups. They don’t mind serving as a cautionary tale. They don’t mind being a source of laughter – for others and for themselves.

When you’re truly confident, you don’t mind occasionally “looking bad.” You realize that that when you’re genuine and unpretentious, people don’t laugh at you.

They laugh with you.

9. They only seek approval from the people who really matter.

You say you have 10k Twitter followers? Swell. 20k Facebook friends? Cool. A professional and social network of hundreds or even thousands? That’s great.

But that also pales in comparison to earning the trust and respect of the few people in your life that truly matter.

When we earn their trust and respect, no matter where we go or what we try, we do it with true confidence – because we know the people who truly matter the most are truly behind us.

The 15 Biggest Body Language Mistakes To Watch Out For

Until we get to know someone, our brain relies on snap judgements to try to categorize the person, predict what they will do, and anticipate how we should react. You may have heard that you only have a few seconds to make a first impression, but the truth is, your brain has made up its mind (so to speak) about a person within milliseconds of meeting them.

According to research done by a Princeton University psychologist, it’s an evolutionary survival mechanism. Your brain decides from the information it has—in other words, how you look—whether you are trustworthy, threatening, competent, likeable and many other traits.

One way we can “hack” this split-second judgement is to be aware of our body language, especially in important situations. Whether you’re applying for a job, asking for a raise, or meeting with a new client, tweaking or just being mindful of our body language can influence the other person’s perception of us and the outcome of the situation.

15 Body language blunders to watch out for:

1. Leaning Back too much — you come off lazy or arrogant.
2. Leaning forward — can seem aggressive. Aim for a neutral posture.
3. Breaking eye contact too soon — can make you seem untrustworthy or overly nervous. Hold eye contact a hair longer, especially during a handshake.
4. Nodding too much — can make you look like a bobble head doll! Even if you agree with what’s being said, nod once and then try to remain still.
5. Chopping or pointing with your hands — feels aggressive.
6. Crossing your arms — makes you look defensive, especially when you’re answering questions. Try to keep your arms at your sides.
7. Fidgeting — instantly telegraphs how nervous you are. Avoid it at all costs.
8. Holding your hands behind your back (or firmly in your pockets) — can look rigid and stiff. Aim for a natural, hands at your sides posture.
9. Looking up or looking around — is a natural cue that someone is lying or not being themselves. Try to hold steady eye contact.
10. Staring — can be interpreted as aggressive. There’s a fine line between holding someone’s gaze and staring them down.
11. Failing to smile — can make people uncomfortable, and wonder if you really want to be there. Go for a genuine smile especially when meeting someone for the first time.
12. Stepping back when you’re asking for a decision — conveys fear or uncertainty. Stand your ground, or even take a slight step forward with conviction.
13. Steepling your fingers or holding palms up — looks like a begging position and conveys weakness.
14. Standing with hands on hips — is an aggressive posture, like a bird or a dog puffing themselves up to look bigger.
15. Checking your phone or watch — says you want to be somewhere else. Plus, it’s just bad manners.

So, what should you do? Aim for good posture in a neutral position, whether sitting or standing. Stand with your arms at your sides, and sit with them at your sides or with your hands in your lap. Pay attention so that you naturally hold eye contact, smile, and be yourself.

If you discover you have a particular problem with one or two of the gestures on the list, practice by yourself with a mirror or with a friend who can remind you every time you do it, until you become aware of the bad habit yourself.

Can you recall a time someone’s body language made you uncomfortable? Are there any other body language blunders you would add? I’d love to hear your anecdotes and ideas in the comments below.